Eight Characters Who Should Be Superheroes

There are several characters who possess extraordinary powers (especially in Stephen King and M. Night Shyamalan creations), but they never made the extra effort to put on a mask and cape and use their powers to fight evil. I call these people selfish, because as we learned in Spider-Man, with great power comes great responsibility, yet these folks don’t really use their powers to their full potential.

Here are eight characters with remarkable powers who should be superheros.

1 Cole Sear The Sixth Sense

Being able to see and talk to the dead has major advantages when it comes to solving crime. Even in the movie, The Sixth Sense, Cole finds out from a dead girl that her mother had poisoned her. Now take Cole, put a cape and mask on him, set him out into the world, and he can solve all sorts of cold cases by talking to murdered people and hunting down their killers.

2 Carrie White Carrie

Dress this girl in a burqa, send her to Iran and have her single-handedly destroy its nuclear arsenal with her telekinetic powers. That would be so much more useful than getting revenge on jerks at a high school prom.

3 Charlene ‘Charlie’ McGee Firestarter

Just like Carrie, another Stephen King creation from this list, the possibilities with Charlie are the same. The Taliban will burn in hell on earth as we set this girl loose in Afghanistan on a secret mission to become a child slave to those fanatics.

4 Eric Gibb The Boy Who Could Fly

Perhaps the most obvious one on the list. Though he’s autistic, Eric has perhaps the most amazing powers as he can fly around Manhattan and capture fleeing criminals.

5 Sookie Stackhouse True Blood

Can someone explain to me what a girl like Sookie Stackhouse is doing working at a dive bar and hanging with vampires when she could be out solving mysteries? Reading people’s thoughts can lead to much good, and not just knowing to give a customer more ketchup. This girl can be the ultimate superhero spy and provide oodles of intelligence to law enforcement. Plus, she’s not the only one with these powers. She met another guy who could do it, who worked as a bellhop at a hotel.

6 David Dunn Unbreakable

This guy actually is a superhero, but it takes quite a bit of convincing on the part of Elijah Price, who is (SPOILER ALERT) the villain. His powers? Physical strength, something I’m sure he would’ve noticed before lifting weights with his son one day. Also, extra-sensory perception, so he can get a sense of immoral acts of people he touches. What to do with him? Simple, let him be an undercover agent for the SEC, set him loose to shake the hands of Wall Street bankers, and let him uncover some of the greatest Ponzi schemes and incidents of corporate fraud to save the economy from taking.

7 Johnny Smith The Dead Zone

Yet another creation from Stephen King, Johnny can see the someone’s future by touching objects that belong to that person. He winds up (SPOILER ALERT) preventing a nuclear holocaust through drastic means, but had he strapped on a cape and mask and went about it differently, he could have used his powers to prevent other future tragedies, as well. Like what happened in The Stand.

8 Danny Torrance The Shining

Like the kid in The Sixth Sense, Danny has the ability to detect supernatural spirits, but also to talk to others with the same talent no matter where they are. But how can Danny be a superhero, you ask? Good question. I’m thinking that he can be sent to places where atrocities have been committed, and to investigate unsolved aspects of those crimes and identify the elusive people who committed them. If these adventures turn into an Indiana Jones-style chase scene, I’m sure his power to talk to others will come in handy.

What Happened in Israel

Hamas, a known terrorist organization, controls the Gaza Strip. Therefore, for security reasons, Israel must control what gets in there (keep in mind that Egypt does, as well). Hamas is hellbent on destroying Israel and Israel isn’t about to make it easy for them to maintain this land.

Meanwhile, some Turkish activists decide, with MUCH fanfare and media coverage, “Hey, let’s send a bunch of stuff there, with thousands of activists, and bypass security. Let’s undermine Israel and deliver goods to a territory run by terrorists.” Israel instructs them to go to a certain port for security reasons. They don’t. Israel takes control of the ship and people are killed.

Outrage, right?

These activists wanted this. Aiding the people of Gaza wasn’t their goal. They wanted to stir the pot, make a mess, and fan the flames. That sends a much louder message to the world than ‘being charitable.’

Let’s also keep in mind that Israel let in eight of these other ships… you know, the ones without the activists with ties to militant organizations.

If you hate Israel, that’s one thing. But Israel is going to defend itself, and isn’t going to take crap from Turkish activists who don’t want to play by the rules. Being outraged by what Israel did is drinking the kool aid. Everyone knew this would happen the moment that these activists decided to ignore security procedures.

Where are the Somalian pirates when you need them?

Two New Martial Arts Websites

Yesterday I officially launched two martial arts websites, one for my club and one for a foundation to support the legacy of my club’s grandmaster.

Ive been attending Silver Spring Martial Arts for 16 years now, and finally got around to making a site:

www.silverspringmartialarts.com

The other site, about Grandmaster Ki Whang Kim, is called the Ki Whang Kim Traditional Martial Arts Association and is dedicated to preserving his legacy. He was my master’s master.

www.kiwhangkimtmaa.com

As you can probably see, these sites look quite a bit like ScreamingSquirrelsHockey.com. What can I say? I go with what works!

Missing Gary Coleman

There are moments in all of our lives when we see an opportunity, perhaps the only opportunity we’ll ever have, and we miss it for some reason. One of those moments for me was to meet Gary Coleman, the actor I grew up watching on Diff’erent Strokes. Back in April 2009, the Gunaxin crew went to New York for the Midgets vs. Mascots premier at the Tribeca Film Festival. Gary and his wife came to the pre-party. Gary had a horrible scowl on his face and looked to be in pain. His wife, Shannon, was listening to her iPod. Gary put his head on the table and didn’t talk to anyone.

I approached them. I asked Shannon if Gary was okay. She nodded and asked if I wanted my photo taken with him. Seeing him squirming on the table, I said no because he didn’t look to be in any mood or condition for a photo.

I wish I had gotten my photo taken with him but at the same time, there was no way I would’ve even suggested that in that circumstance. He didn’t attend the movie and instead flew back to Utah.

Now, he’s dead. Rest in peace, Gary. You were a true talent.

The Worst SNL Films

Until they stop making money, film studios will continue to put out horrible comedies. But one man should no longer have any credibility in Hollywood, and that’s Lorne Michaels. MacGruber hit theaters last weekend with its foot already in the grave, grossing only 4 million dollars.

Is anyone surprised? How did Michaels think this was a good idea? Then again, look at how many other awful flops he came out with: It’s Pat. Stuart Saves His Family. The Ladies’ Man. Rockstar. All of these movies were awful and I’m fairly certain they didn’t make much, if any, money.

Michaels had a hit with the Blues Brothers and Wayne’s World (and I believe that Wayne’s World is highly overrated, but he’s been hanging onto those for a few decades now.

Hollywood, Michaels is a man who had a good idea to make Saturday Night Live, drafted many talented people, but he, himself is no comic genius. Please revoke his movie-making card.