Ranking Entourage’s Eight Season Finales

The final episode of any season (and series) is always special, because it’s the one meant to leave a lasting impression on viewers and hold them over until the new season (or movie). Now that Entourage‘s run is complete, let’s look back and rank each of the season-enders, which are supposed to either tie up loose ends or create drama (no pun intended) to talk about during the sabbatical.

8 Season 6 2009

Season plot: Vince has a stalker and the boys try to protect him. It turns out to be a sorority prank. LAME. Lloyd tries to get promoted. Ari buys his old company.

Ending/cliffhanger: Ari goes on a rampage with a paint gun in his old office which he now runs, and all is well with the world of the Entourage boys. Lloyd also gets to be an agent. Finally.

This season was pretty bad, but it’s Entourage, so it still had its good moments.

7 Season 8 2011

Season plot: Vince really likes a reporter who rejects him. Turtle tries, again, to make it on his own. Johnny has tension with coworker Andrew Dice Clay. Eric deals with not being with Sloan, again. Ari deals with being separated.

Ending/cliffhanger: Vince goes to Paris to get married to a girl he just met. Turtle is set for life (resolved in the previous episode). Johnny is finally getting regular work (also resolved in the previous episode). Eric’s issues are completely unresolved but end on an up-note. Lloyd gets to represent opera singers and will likely be Vince’s agent (you know he will). Ari saves his marriage, but gets the proposal of a lifetime.

Too much is bound to happen, especially involving Eric (as if we care), Lloyd (needs a spin-off),Vince (who will get divorced and go back to his old ways), and Ari (who will take the job). This ain’t no Sopranos, there WILL be an Entourage movie (for better or worse).

See Gunaxin’s list of things that needed to happen in the final season.

6 Season 1 2004

Season plot: The boys are introduced with a typical first season of a series – a show we vow to keep watching through the good times and bad.

Ending/cliffhanger: Vince hires Eric to be his manager and the world is good.

This was a great opening season and a fine finale, but once again, nothing to think much about other than the fact that we can’t wait for Season 2.

5 Season 2 2005

Season plot: Ari tries to get Vince to make Aquaman but it proves to be a challenge for various reasons, including the fact that Vince has a crush on his co-star, Mandy Moore.

Ending/cliffhanger: Vince doesn’t quit Aquaman, after all, and the world is good.

Not a bad season, but considering that it hinged on Vince choosing to quit a HUGE movie over a girl just didn’t seem plausible. We weren’t surprised when he didn’t.

4 Season 5 2008

Season plot: After Medellin flops, Eric pushes to get Smokejumpers made with Vince, but things don’t work out.

Ending/cliffhanger: Broke and back in Queens, Vince gets a surprise call from Martin Scorsese, who saves his career, and the world is good.

The season finale was fairly good because it showed that the boys were serious about going home when they had nothing left. For a minute there we may have actually believed that the world wasn’t going to be all right. Then ol’ Marty swoops in and we all breathe a collective sigh of relief. Nothing to think about until next season.

3 Season 3 2006–2007

Season plot: For some reason, this was considered one season, though it certainly didn’t feel like it. Season 3, Part I ends with Vince firing Ari for dropping the ball on the Ramones script. Part II ends with Vince picking Billy Walsh to direct Medellin.

Ending/cliffhanger part I: Vince fires Ari.

Now THIS felt like a season finale. Melodramatic, but we know Ari will be back.

Ending/cliffhanger part II: They’re going to make Medellin, finally. In Spanish.

Another one of these ‘the world is all right finales, but there is a hint that Billy is about to screw up big time.

2 Season 7 2010

Season plot: Vince dates a porn star and gets addicted to cocaine. Finally, some reality in Hollywood.

Ending/cliffhanger: Ari separates from his wife and Vince makes a drug-fueled scene at Eminem’s party.

Great ending because it was far darker and the world is not all right. Addiction is something that even non-movie stars can relate too (which I’m sure would be a lot easier with Sasha Grey).

1 Season 4 2007

Season plot: The boys make Medellin. Billy goes nuts. Ari tries to sell the movie. The movie flops at Cannes.

Ending/cliffhanger: Medellin turns out to be a horrible movie and they lose all but a dollar.

This season finale answered a major question that lasted all season, provided comedy, showed the boys won’t always get what they want and life isn’t always a fairy tale in Hollywood. After all, it’s hard to make a movie, as Harvey says. And it’s certainly hard to make a good TV show.

But the folks behind Entourage certainly did.

New Car!

After 11 years, and after milking my ’97 Mercury Mystique for almost all it was worth, I purchased a new car. I got a Toyota Camry LE. It was pretty much exactly what I set out to get. Between the earthquake and Hurricane Irene, the car actually got partially damaged in a small hail storm. The roof had very small dents in it, but the dealership fixed it first.

 

Champions!

Me, posing with the trophy that we don't get to keep. It's just a photo prop.

The Screaming Squirrels won the roller championship on Thursday. It was our third overall but probably our most clear-cut win.

Back in 2003, we had to play a best of three series against the Hurricanes. We easily won the first game, lost the second, but the third was never played due to Hurricane Isabel. Technically, we split the title (with two current teammates).

We won in 2005, but the Hurricanes were upset (1-0 I think) in the semifinals, and they were considered a much better team. After that season, they moved up a level. We were happy to win the title but couldn’t help but think that it would’ve been much tougher had the Hurricanes won.

This year, we only had trouble against one team – The Whale. They lost in the first round. But they were also a lower seen than us, so we didn’t feel too bad when they got knocked out. Plus, we beat the top seed in the finals, 3-2, after going down 2-0. We had lost to that team the first game of the season, then beat them later in the season.

It was the third roller hockey title for the Screaming Squirrels. We also won three in ice. Back 2002, I won a ball hockey championship with three of the other Squirrels on a different team.

The Smurfs Are Communist

By no means do I claim to be the first to write about this, but I would like to bring this important issue to the attention of the Gunaxin audience. The Smurfs, those lovable, three-apple sized creatures that we used to watch when we were kids, are card-carrying Communists. Before you laugh this off and resume smurfing for porn, hear me out.

The Smurfs live in a commune. They share everything they own. No Salesman Smurf, no Consumer Smurf. Each Smurf has a job, and does only that job. No Career Change Smurf, no Unemployed Smurf or Welfare Recipient Smurf. No Smurf owned property or tried to profit. These are traits of socialism, people!

The most popular Smurfs: Hefty, the KGB soldier, and Handy, the hardest worker in the village who doesn’t earn any more than the others. The Smurfs portrayed in negative light: The useless Greedy, the obvious homosexual Vanity, and Brainy (who was clearly modeled after Leon Trotsky… the resemblances speak for themselves. How many times did Brainy get kicked out of the colony?).

Then there is the villain, Gargamel, who wants nothing more than to turn the Smurfs into gold. Greedy capitalist, and a criminal, at that. Let’s not ignore that he is an anti-Semitic caricature of a Jew. Big nose, hunched over, greedy… (but they forgot to draw his kippah)… And let’s not forget his cat named Azrael, which sounds strangely similar to Israel, but actually means angel of death. Jews were persecuted under Stalin’s rule, in case you didn’t know.

In a society of hundreds of male Smurfs, there is only one female – Smurfette. Forget Communism, folks, that’s 1984-style persecution. Then there’s this theory… Smurfs is an acronym. Could it be… Socialist Men Under Red Father?

Let’s face it… the Smurfs are exactly what Communism, in theory, should be, and it was on full display for us kids during the Cold War of the 1980s.

One last thing to drive the point home… The un-elected Papa Smurf, with his Karl Marx beard, wore red. COMMIE!

For more information, google “Smurfs and Communism.”