It was established in a Gunaxin poll that the Star Wars AT-AT Imperial Walker would defeat the Mûmakil from Lord of the Rings in a head-to-head fight. But that fight wasn’t completely fair because the AT-AT has guns and isn’t even alive. So in this installment of SW vs. LOTR, we’ll match up Fellowship of the Ring’s Balrog with Return of the Jedi’s Rancor. First, we’ll take a glimpse at each character.
The Rancor
Wookieepedia defines the Rancor as…
Rancors were large carnivorous reptomammals originating from the planet of Dathomir.
That’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read. If it weren’t for the expanded universe nonsense, we’d know Rancors to be large carnivorous reptomammals originating from the planet of Tatooine. Not even Jabba would pay to move one of those from one planet to the next, if that were even possible. Or maybe he did. I’d ask Stew but it’s really not all that important.
Anywho, here is the Rancor scene in Return of the Jedi, using the music from Jaws.
The Rancor’s Keeper
His name is Malakili, and he takes care of the Rancor in Jabba‘s Palace. He was played by actor Paul Brooke. Apparently, Chris Farley had yet to be discovered.
Analysis of the Rancor
Pros: He’s a big devilish beast from the Star Wars universe.
Cons: He was killed rather quickly by a Jedi Knight who didn’t even use Jedi powers to kill him. It was the ole’ slam-the-door-on-his-head trick. And he died when the door fell on him. Huh? That wouldn’t have killed the Balrog.
Balrog
The One Wiki to Rule Them All talks a whole lot about Balrogs and not just the one that appears in Moria in Fellowship of the Rings. J.R.R. Tolkien wrote about several, and Peter Jackson’s version engulfs the beast in flames. So what is it, exactly? Let’s just say… it’s a demon.
Analysis of the Balrog
Pros: He’s made of flame, and has a flaming whip and sword. He has no keeper. He’s not Jabba’s pet.
Cons: Gandalf killed him pretty easily, right?
Final Analysis
This is no match. The Balrog should easily defeat the Rancor in a fight. However, Star Wars fanboys outnumber Lord of the Rings fanboys, so the Rancor may stand a chance if people stick to voting for which movie they like better, as opposed to the actual damn question.