It’s time to put it to a vote. Who do you believe is the dumbest athlete of all time? Though we here at Gunaxin came up with a list of 30 top prospects, there are certainly many more who could have qualified. Some of them aren’t as high-profile, or didn’t get as much media attention, or maybe did dumb things (Charles Barkley, for example), but are getting along relatively fine despite serial idiotic decisions. This list theoretically could be thousands of people long if we named them all, so let’s stick with some of the most well-known.
Vote for the dumbest at the bottom!
Plaxico Burress
In a small way I actually feel sorry for Burress, who is serving a two-year prison sentence for bringing a gun into a club and accidentally shooting himself in the leg, like Cheddar Bob in 8 Mile. Two years seems harsh for that, because it’s not like he was trying to rob or kill someone. Michael Vick got a similar sentence and did much worse. Regardless, this misstep caused this one-time Super Bowl hero to get released by the Giants and to miss the next two seasons of football relatively late in his career, which means he may be done for good.
Maurice Clarett
Clarett had one of the best freshman years ever as he led Ohio State to a championship. Because of the NFL’s age rules, he was not eligible to be drafted. So he sued. And he partied. And he got arrested. Then he got drafted, didn’t make the team, got arrested for armed robbery and is now in prison. Check out his blog.
Rae Carruth
This Carolina Panther tried to have his pregnant girlfriend killed. Was captured in the trunk of his car with $3900 in cash, bottles to hold his urine, extra clothes, candy bars, and a cell phone.
John Daly
This golfer is nothing but trouble. Whenever he wins an event, he blows it on gambling. He’s been married and divorced a bunch of times. He was arrested at Hooters in 2008. Due to Daly’s various drinking escapades, the drink consisting of sweet tea-flavored vodka and lemonade (also called a Dirty Arnold Palmer) is often referred to as a John Daly. Actually, that’s pretty cool.
Lenny Dykstra
Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel showed how he became a financial wizard and made millions, then Gumbel did a follow-up story showing how Dykstra lost all his money and filed for bankruptcy. Last I heard, he was living in his car.
Dwight Gooden
Gooden was one of the most dominant NL pitchers in the middle and late 1980s, but his career declined because of drug and alcohol abuse. After he retired, he was arrested for drunk driving, hitting his girlfriend, another DWI, probation violation, and he served time in prison.
Eddie Griffin
Crashed his car while watching porn and playing with himself while drunk. “Anal Action” and “Privates” were the two porn titles cited in a lawsuit against him. In March 2007, Griffin was released by the Timberwolves, who had grown tired of his attitude and off-court troubles. Later that year, Houston police said Griffin, who was drunk, ignored a railroad warning and went through a barrier before striking a moving train and burned to death. He is survived by a daughter named Amaree.
Chris Henry
This Bengal has done so many stupid things that an entire article could be devoted to it. He’s been in trouble for drugs, guns, DWI, providing alcohol to minors, on-the-field problems, assault, probation violation and the list goes on.
Travis Henry
This footballer has fathered at least 11 children among 10 different women, has had on-going problems making his child support payments, and this: In July, 2009, Henry was sentenced to three years in federal prison for financing a cocaine trafficking operation.
“Shoeless Joe” Jackson
…and his teammates intentionally lost the 1919 World Series with the Black Sox.
Tank Johnson
Johnson has been in trouble for guns, assault, resisting arrest, probation violation, and has served time in jail.
Marion Jones
Yes, female athletes do stupid things, too. Jones won five medals at the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney, but had to forfeit all medals and prizes dating back to September 2000 after admitting that she took performance-enhancing drugs. But that’s not all. She also lied to two grand juries, and had to serve six months in prison. She was also involved in a check fraud scheme.
Pacman Jones
Another guy with a long rap sheet. He’s been in trouble for assault, disorderly conduct, something to do with drugs and shootings, and a problem with a Las Vegas exotic dancer, amongst other things.
Floyd Landis
Sprang ahead to win the 2006 Tour de France, and then they found out… you guessed it… he had doped.
Jamal Lewis
During an otherwise fine professional football career, Lewis was charged in 2004 with conspiring to possess with the intent to distribute five kilograms of cocaine, and served four months in prison.
Dexter Manley
A great football player for the Washington Redskins, Manley was on two Super Bowl winning teams. Later, we found out he was illiterate, despite going to Oklahoma State University for four years. He got banned from the NFL for failing multiple drug tests, and had drug problems after he left the league.
Nate Newton
This six-time pro bowler was found with 213 pounds of marijuana in his van. Five weeks later, he was caught with 175 pounds of marijuana.
Bob Probert
This longtime Red Wing and full-time goon has been arrested for drugs, served time in prison, crashed his motorcycle while high and drunk, and was arrested for allegedly parking his car on the wrong side of the street and entering into an altercation over drugs with bystanders. He was also arrested at his home for breach of peace, resisting arrest, and assaulting a police officer.
Pete Rose
Major League Baseball’s all-time hits and games played leader, Rose gambled on the game while a player and a manager, received a ban from the game and won’t make the hall of fame. Rose also pleaded guilty to two charges of filing false income tax returns not showing income he received from selling autographs and memorabilia, and from horse racing winnings. He was sentenced to five months in prison.
Rosie Ruiz
In 1980, she came in first in the 84th Boston Marathon, but was later stripped of her title when it was found that she had registered for the race and later jumped in from the crowd and sprinted to the finish.
Donte Stallworth
DUI. Killed someone. Served 30 days of jail time. Suspended for a season.
Darryl Strawberry
Child support problems, arrested for soliciting a prostitute, arrested for a hit-and-run, drugs, and served time in prison.
O.J. Simpson
Starred in some really bad movies, amongst other things.
Mike Tyson
Convicted of rape, drug problems, assault problems, bit an opponent’s ear, went bankrupt… you name it.
Marcus Vick
Mike’s younger brother who had two criminal convictions while quarterback at Virginia Tech, not to mention traffic arrests. After he left Virginia Tech and failed to make it in the NFL (with the Dolphins), he got in trouble for brandishing a firearm against a group of people, was involved in a civil lawsuit involving sex with a juvenile, more traffic arrests and seven additional convictions, a DUI, eluding police, driving on the wrong side of the road. Most recently, he’s been in trouble for marijuana. No problems with dog-fighting, though.
Michael Vick
Drug problems and financed a dog fighting ring. Served time in prison, and now he’s back with the Philadelphia Eagles where Gunaxin prays that he FAILS.
Antoine Walker
This longtime Celtic was arrested for suspicion of drunk driving at Miami Beach in 2009, and was charged with three felony counts of writing bad checks related to gambling debts he had incurred at three Las Vegas casinos. Walker was arrested on at Harrah’s Casino in South Lake Tahoe, Nevada on charges stemmed from over $800,000 in gambling debts.
Jayson Williams
Since his retirement from the NBA due to injuries, Williams has famously been involved in the shooting death of a limo driver at his home. He was also stunned with a taser by police after becoming violent at a N.Y. hotel room, and later got into an altercation at a bar. Next up: A retrial for the limo driver manslaughter charge, which could get him 10 years.
Ricky Williams
This guy sounds more like a hippie than an average dumb football player with four kids by three different women. He’s a vegetarian, a supporter of PETA, a yoga instructor, a Hindu. Oh yeah, he’s a big marijuana user, and has been in trouble and suspended from the NFL multiple times for that. He also signed a ridiculous contract when he came into the league, which was largely incentive-laden, with most of them requiring higher than top-level production to attain.
The Baseball Dopers
They doped, they hit home runs, they got into very little – if any – trouble, and now everyone knows who they are and think they’re jerkoffs. Only thing is, very few of them really got in much trouble, but suffered some embarrassment. Maybe they’re not so dumb, after all.
Dishonorable Mentions
Ron Artest (basketball)
Sean Avery (hockey)
Len Bias (basketball)
Eric Cantona (soccer)
Mike Danton (hockey)
Theo Fluery (hockey)
Tonya Harding (skating)
Michael Irvin (football)
Tony Mandarick (football)
Bode Miller (skiing)
Randy Moss (football)
Ruben Patterson (basketball)
Lawrence Phillips (football)
Michael Rasmussen (cycling)
Barret Robbins (football)
Robert “Tractor” Traylor (basketball)
Chris Simon (hockey)
Michelle Smith (swimming)
Ugueth Urbina (baseball
Qyntel Woods (basketball)
The Ultimate Warrior (wrestler)
THE LIST NEVER ENDS